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Posts by Shoshana Chanales

In My Story Of Parenting a Chronically Ill Child, I Choose To Be The Protagonist.

By Shoshana Chanales | March 20, 2018 | 0

Early in my teaching career before I had kids, I had a conference with a mother whose son was doing beautifully in my class. As I spoke, she cried — not eyes welled with pride, but real tears. “You don’t understand, he was a preemie. I just can’t believe he is doing so well,” she…

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thelayersproject

The Layers Project Magazine
"“Rachel,” he begins after a pause in our chat "“Rachel,” he begins after a pause in our chatting warm-up, “I spoke to two of my radiology colleagues here, and we think you have a tumor in your lungs.”⠀ ⠀ There it was.⠀ ⠀ A new line of demarcation dividing life up until that point and what would come next. The pre and post. The before-and-after.⠀ ⠀ We all have before-and-afters; the things we experience that, when we look back on the list of where we’ve been and what we’ve faced, these moments are in bold, maybe even a different font. They have a little asterisk next to them, noting that this thing didn’t just happen to me. It became me."⠀ ⠀ Thank you to our clinical director at Layers, Rachel Hercman, for this powerful essay about her experience- "Living and Breathing in the After"-- kicking off our Triumph over Challenge series.⠀ ⠀ Link to the full essay in the linktree in the bio.⠀ ⠀ Thank you to Abbie Sophia Photography for this gorgeous image of Rachel!⠀ ⠀ #thelayersproject #thelayersprojectmagazine #before #after #tumor #lungs #next #healing #jewishwomen
Life can be rough. The holidays are over and so Life can be rough. The holidays are over and so many of us are struggling to get back into a routine and find some positivity to propel us forward into the new year. Many of us can use some inspiration. Coming up on The Layers Project Magazine we are accepting essays (anonymous and with names) with a story of triumph over challenges. Share with us what you experienced and how you overcame the difficulties that came your way. What helped you? What gave you support? What gave you faith? What meaning have you made now you are on the other side? Accepting submissions 600-1000 words - submit to submissions@thelayersprojectmagazine.com
"For the first few weeks postpartum, it was exhaus "For the first few weeks postpartum, it was exhaustion. I had a low supply of breast milk and I was trying around the clock to nurse, pump, nurse, and pump. The pressure was on.⠀ ⠀ YOU NEED TO GIVE YOUR BABY YOUR LIQUID GOLD.⠀ ⠀ The nurses had yelled at me day one postpartum and they grabbed my breast and shoved it into Nafshi’s mouth, I was sobbing. It really hurt and I felt like a failure already. But I felt like I needed to do this for my baby. The nurses yelled at me and told me I had baby blues.⠀ ⠀ Friends and family tried to support me but they didn’t know what I needed. I, myself, did not know what I needed.⠀ ⠀ Days went by and when I wasn’t caring for my baby, I was laying in bed. I couldn’t sleep. Netanel and I took turns with Nafshi but I couldn’t even utilize the time I got alone because my brain wouldn’t turn off. I would think about all the things I did wrong that day, how I wasn’t surviving being a mom, and question my inability to just be happy.⠀ ⠀ Weeks went by and one night I left the apartment, stood on the other side of the street where I faced the river.⠀ ⠀ Tears uncontrollably spilled out of my eyes. I turned to G-d.⠀ ⠀ G-d. I want to be a good mom.⠀ ⠀ Why is this so hard for me?"⠀ ⠀ "The Darkness Behind My Smile: My Experience With Postpartum Depression" -- written by Arielle Zellis-Paley⠀ ⠀ To read Arielle's full essay- click the link in the linktree in the bio.⠀ ⠀ #thelayersproject #thelayersprojectmagazine #postpartumdepression #ppd #depression #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealth #jewishwomen #jewishfamilies #maternalmentalhealth #moms #motherhood #postpartumjourney #postpartumsupport #newmom ⠀
Everything about Sukkot seems fragile. ⠀ ⠀ The Everything about Sukkot seems fragile. ⠀ ⠀ The pitom of the etrog is always at risk for falling off. We worry about the schach of the sukkah — maybe it will blow away from the winds. In certain climates the rain threatens the opportunity to sit and enjoy the sukkah. In others the heat can feel oppressive. The leaves of our lulavim need to be carefully tended to, lest they die before we are finished with them. ⠀ ⠀ So much of this holiday is about vulnerability. We are reminded constantly our lives are not as steady as they seem from the outside. It’s meant to remind us of when we lived in huts in the desert and it was clear that all our sustenance came from above. ⠀ ⠀ Now the same remains true, but in our generation it’s harder to see it; we’ve relied heavily on the stability of our homes, jobs, and supermarkets. ⠀ ⠀ The last half a year has thrown so much of that sense of illusion away— many of us have learned the hard lessons of the impermanence of the things we thought we could depend on. It has been a sobering and humbling experience.⠀ ⠀ Many of us have hit a level of fatigue and distress over the state of the world that is painful to maintain. I know that sometimes I am struggling to maintain my own sense of drive and energy when there is so much that threatens to drain it from me. Other times I find I am able to surrender and let go of that need for control. ⠀ ⠀ This week in the sukkah I felt the fragility of it all. I also felt the sweetness of surrendering to faith and to God. ⠀ ⠀ I let my internal dialogue go very quiet. ⠀ ⠀ I just sat and enjoyed the small things that were there to bring me joy. The breeze that came off the Jerusalem mountainside. The rustle of the decorations in the wind and the light that reflected in all directions. The view of the city in the sunshine or in the darkness. The shadows of the bamboo and it’s shelter.⠀ ⠀ This holiday is offering me a marker into the passing of time. It’s hard for me to conceive of what comes next— so many of my plans have been laywayed. Yet— I am grateful for these ancient guideposts to remind me to stop and be in this moment. To stop and appreciate all that it offers.
When we made Aliyah two years ago, we managed to b When we made Aliyah two years ago, we managed to bring my parent’s sukkah from America to our new home. Grateful to be overlooking Jerusalem in this special sukkah, and for the blessings of this new life. Things are getting stranger and more concerning by the day— all over the world. This holiday reminds us of vulnerability; yearnings for physical and spiritual shelter. Praying that you all have a meaningful chag and that your families are safe in healthy in this challenging time. - Shira #thelayersproject #sukkot #succos #sukkah #jerusalem #israel #holiday
Yesterday was a really hard day.⠀ ⠀ I usually Yesterday was a really hard day.⠀ ⠀ I usually have a difficult time on Yom Kippur, especially because I am a terrible faster. ⠀ ⠀ But yesterday felt even more intense and challenging than most years. ⠀ ⠀ I did my best to focus all the way through my solo prayers-- and I felt there was so much forgiveness I needed. ⠀ ⠀ When I was all cried out, the moon had already risen. It was bright and expansive-- and as I prayed on my mirpeset, I heard the shofarot sounding all over the neighborhood; in outdoor minyanim or personal homes. ⠀ ⠀ As the blasts pierced through the silence of the evening settling in, I was struck by such a feeling of lightness--a feeling of openness. I hadn’t felt that way in a long time. ⠀ ⠀ Maybe yesterday we have begun to be able to rinse ourselves of the past year’s sins and problems and pains. ⠀ ⠀ Maybe today there is a shift in the energy of our world. ⠀ ⠀ An opportunity for new hope.⠀ ⠀ - Shira ⠀ ⠀ #Thelayersproject #thelayersprojectmagazine #jewishwomen #yomkippur #forgiveness #hope #newyear #moon #shofar #return
“After delivery I felt great and energized. Biny “After delivery I felt great and energized. Binyomin was alert and awake, and although he was fussy at the breast, I assumed that it was due to normal nursing difficulties similar to what I had experienced with my previous child.⠀ ⠀ Everything became clearer as we were about to discharge. When we were ready to load the baby into his carseat, the nurse came in to go over a few things with us and to check his vitals one last time. Binyomin was sleeping in my arms but his breathing was erratic. The nurse took one look at him and said, “I don’t like the way his chest is moving. Can I take a closer look?”⠀ ⠀ From there, time sped up and simultaneously seemed to slow down. Binyomin was in respiratory distress. Oxygen was administered; the NICU and an ambulance were called. Twelve hours post-delivery, we were swept away, with my husband following in our car behind. A nurse from the birth center accompanied me, and she became like a lifeline over the next 24 hours. ⠀ ⠀ Somehow, the walk to the NICU seemed too calm for what was going on. I wanted to scream and tear at my clothes – why weren’t we running? Why weren’t we banging down doors to get where we were going? We were walking too calmly – didn’t they understand that my insides were tearing apart? I needed answers and I needed them now.⠀ ⠀ When the doors to the NICU opened, I thought I’d get those answers, but I was stuck at the door, being told I couldn’t accompany my child into the unit. My mask was falling off my face and tears were streaming from my eyes...”⠀ ⠀ “Son of My Strength” written by Carly Chodosh in honor of National NICU Month. Full essay link in the linktree in the bio. ⠀ #Thelayersproject #thelayersprojectmagazine #jewishwomen #nicu #covid19 #panic #newborn #delivery #bris #strong #skintoskin #birth
Sad to come out of Yom Tov to the news of the pass Sad to come out of Yom Tov to the news of the passing of Ruth Bader Ginsburg, the second woman to serve on The United States Supreme Court. ⠀ ⠀ RBG, as she was affectionately called, is arguably one of the most influential Jewish women in history. She served as a role model for millions of women across the globe. ⠀ ⠀ "I am a judge, born, raised and proud of being a Jew. The demand for justice, for peace and for enlightenment runs through the entirety of Jewish history and Jewish tradition."⠀ ⠀ May her memory be for a blessing.⠀ ⠀ #Thelayersproject #thelayersprojectmagazine #rbg #ruthbaderginsburg #supremecourt #rolemodel #jewishwoman #judge #jewishhistory #jewishwomen #justice
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