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Posts by Shoshana Chanales

In My Story Of Parenting a Chronically Ill Child, I Choose To Be The Protagonist.

By Shoshana Chanales | March 20, 2018 | 0

Early in my teaching career before I had kids, I had a conference with a mother whose son was doing beautifully in my class. As I spoke, she cried — not eyes welled with pride, but real tears. “You don’t understand, he was a preemie. I just can’t believe he is doing so well,” she…

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thelayersproject

The Layers Project Magazine
"May 2, 2020, I felt really sick. I went to my lo "May 2, 2020, I felt really sick. I went to my local emergency room and I was screened for COVID in the outdoor tent at the hospital. I was being treated as a potential COVID patient. They quickly diagnosed me with a neck infection, but it did not explain the amount of pain I was in or how sick I had become. ⠀ ⠀ Further testing revealed that I was negative for COVID but was suffering from Ludwig’s Angina, a bacterial infection of the mouth. I was told that this is typically misdiagnosed and not usually caught in time and can be deadly. ⠀ ⠀ I was told numerous times during my hospital stay that had I not come into the emergency room when I did, it is very likely I would not be alive today...”⠀ ⠀ To read Lori Prashker-Thomas's full essay, "Persistence, Perseverance, & Triumph" click the link in the linktree in the bio.⠀ ⠀ Image by ShadowCatcher Photography.⠀ ⠀ #thelayersproject #thelayersprojectmagazine #jewishwomen #illness #recovery #persistence
"It starts with a tightness in my chest. ⠀ ⠀ S "It starts with a tightness in my chest. ⠀ ⠀ Slow and searing, it feels like my heart has a clamp around it, suffocating me from feeling anything besides deprivation and heaviness. My breathing switches gears and starts speeding; I'm gasping and I can't keep up. As the corners of the room start to curl in, I close my eyes and feel a helpless unravel into darkness. ⠀ ⠀ ■ ■ ■ ■ ⠀ ⠀ There are some things I've gotten used to during this pandemic. ⠀ ⠀ Suffering from panic attacks isn't one of them."⠀ ⠀ To read our full Anonymous Essay, "Breathless: My Struggle With Panic Attacks"-- click the link in the linktree.⠀ ⠀ #thelayersproject #thelayersprojectmagazine #anonymous #anonessay #panicattacks #anxiety #panic #stress #pandemic #jewishwomen
My father is in the hospital sick with COVID. ⠀ My father is in the hospital sick with COVID. ⠀ It has been many months since words like “coronavirus” “quarantine” and “pandemic” have been coming out of our mouths. Words we never said before. ⠀ ⠀ Along with those words came a mounting fear; sometimes we could feel the virus breathing down our necks, on the verge of creeping down our throats and up our noses into our lungs.⠀ Sometimes it felt far away- like some problem that wasn’t our own. ⠀ ⠀ Some of our communities have been ravaged. Insurmountable losses; broken grieving periods.⠀ We’ve needed hugs and love and a shoulder to cry on that wasn’t six feet away. ⠀ ⠀ Some people have worlds that have barely been touched- perhaps a cold here and there. A fever. A passing sneeze and a return to a semi-regular restricted life. ⠀ ⠀ I feel like for all this time I have been living alongside the pandemic. Watching in horror, praying for the people who were sickened by this vicious virus and for their families to pull through this nightmare. ⠀ ⠀ Now it has been my turn to feel as if I was in the center of the storm. ⠀ ⠀ It was three weeks ago when my father was diagnosed with COVID. As the days passed he became sicker and sicker; till he was struggling to breathe, his fevers raging, his strength zapped by this beast. ⠀ ⠀ The virus is extremely cruel- the chaos it brings on the body- the boundaries it places between loved ones. I can’t be there. I couldn’t be there to care for him. I’ve waited for news every second of the last few weeks, praying that there would be a sign that things were turning around. ⠀ It’s been difficult to get him the medical care he needed. It took to the very last second; when it was so intense that it became severe, for him to be allowed into the hospital. The hospitals are flooded with extremely ill patients. He needed to be in the hospital long before he was admitted, but there was no room. They were saving spots for people even sicker than he. ⠀ ⠀ We are in the middle of a pandemic that is out of control. ⠀ ⠀ I can’t describe the rage, frustration, and fear when you can’t be there for someone you love. ⠀ I am endlessly grateful for the care that he is receiving now... more in link.
“My insides were in turmoil today. I felt like I “My insides were in turmoil today. I felt like I couldn’t breathe. My lungs felt heavy. The air felt thick and I was very uncomfortable. ⠀ ⠀ Yet now sitting at the menorah I feel a little calmer. I look at the fire shining bright and I feel the small spark of hope. The hope for my life to change for the better. The hope that one day I will feel what it’s like for a husband to love me. ⠀ ⠀ The hope that one day I will just feel loved and wanted in general. The hope that one day I will be held in someone’s arms. The connection I hope to feel. The inner peace I hope to one day have.⠀ ⠀ I’m hurting terribly but with the tears that fall from pain there are those that are mixed in with a little bit of hope.⠀ ⠀ It’s really hard right now but one day maybe it will be easier.⠀ ⠀ I hope.”⠀ ⠀ #Thelayersproject #thelayersprojectmagazine #jewishwomen #singlehood #Channukah #zoschannukah #Hanukkah #candlelighting #candles ##lights #hope
"“Are you, Kylie Ora Lobell, dedicating yourself "“Are you, Kylie Ora Lobell, dedicating yourself to a Jewish life?”⠀ ⠀ “Yes,” I say.⠀ ⠀ “Do you denounce all former religions and spiritual beliefs?”⠀ ⠀ “Yes.”⠀ ⠀ “Will you follow the 613 commandments to the best of your ability and accept that there is only one true God?”⠀ ⠀ “Yes.”⠀ ⠀ “Will you send your future children to Orthodox Jewish schools?”⠀ ⠀ “Of course.”⠀ ⠀ “Fine. Very good. You can dip now.”⠀ ⠀ I lower myself into the water – all the way – holding my breath and spreading out my fingers and toes so the water reaches everywhere…⠀ ⠀ When I’m done, I come out of the mikvah and pat down my hair. Back in the bathroom, I look in the mirror.⠀ ⠀ I don’t look different. I don’t feel different. ⠀ ⠀ Perhaps I was just finding myself, and discovering who I was meant to be all along.⠀ ⠀ • • • • • • • • • ⠀ ⠀ I had our first child, our daughter Tzofia Chana, in 2019. I want to give Tzofia a meaningful family and community life.⠀ ⠀ Becoming a mother, I wrote a children’s book detailing the brief story of my conversion. It’s about how I wasn’t born a Jew but I met her father, he took me to Chabad, and I realized I wanted to be Jewish.⠀ ⠀ The book is called “Jewish Just Like You,” and I think that many families like mine will be able to relate. Ultimately, we all fall in love with Judaism. And as converts, we are very proud Jews, and we want our children to be too.⠀ ⠀ I want Tzofia to see just how Judaism transformed my life for the better. In the book, the pictures go from purple and white to full-on Technicolor when I dip in the mikvah. That’s what Judaism did for me: it made my world bright and happy.⠀ ⠀ With this book, I hope to spread that light to other families and instill Jewish pride in children. I hope that as they read my story, they can find the value and meaning in our beautiful religion, just like I did and continue to do every single day."⠀ ⠀ "My Conversion Story" written by Kylie Ora Lobell. ⠀ ⠀ Link to full essay in the linktree.⠀ ⠀ You can purchase “Jewish Just Like You” on Amazon. Link to purchase in the linktree.⠀ ⠀ #thelayersproject #thelayersprojectmagazine #bookauthor #jewishbookauthor #conversion #childrensbook
‘You look tired.' ⠀ ⠀ I laugh and make a fli ‘You look tired.' ⠀ ⠀ I laugh and make a flippant remark about not wearing makeup. There really is not a better response to that comment.⠀ ⠀ But there is a better response. ⠀ ⠀ The truth is, I have never felt this tired. Not “will resolve with rest” kind of tired; the kind of tired that comes with the overwhelming dread that you will always feel this way. This is the bone-crushing weariness of a staircase with no landing, a mountain with no peak, a race with no finish line. As an emergency physician, I am supposed to have answers. All I have is what I have already given: everything, willingly and without reserve. But my well is empty and they still need more. ⠀ ⠀ It's not enough. I’m not enough.⠀ ⠀ The truth is, it was nice for a while when frontline healthcare workers were being lauded for their efforts. When people would line up and clap, and there was a brief acknowledgment of how hard we work to save lives. But it got old. The overwhelming need to return to business as usual has overshadowed the fact that we still exist with anchors hanging from our necks, tethering us to the reality that the problem did not disappear just because it is being ignored by many. I still have to go to work every day; and I still have to come home to an empty house, where I am trapped by the ghosts of patients past and future...⠀ ⠀ • • • • • • • • ⠀ ⠀ ...The truth is, on behalf of all of my colleagues on the frontlines, I need you to know this: we are exhausted. We have been running on empty for too long. But we are gearing up for the final battle. ⠀ ⠀ It can often feel as if we are lost in a tunnel with no end, with the virus still raging around the world. But we know that the darkest hour is before the dawn; how fitting that this week marks the arrival of the long-awaited vaccine. This is my Hanukkah miracle; the possibility that against such insurmountable odds, we can be victorious. The knowledge that there is not enough fuel, yet still the light will last.⠀ ⠀ I am an emergency physician in the middle of a global pandemic. I’d like to say that I am invincible.⠀ ⠀ The truth is, I’m only human. ⠀ ⠀ Imperfect, inadequate, deficient, fallible. ⠀ ⠀ And yet, still hopeful."⠀
Five years ago on Chanukah, I wrote the post that Five years ago on Chanukah, I wrote the post that changed my life. ⠀ ⠀ I decided that I was finished with hiding and secrets. I was sick with a chronic illness and it was becoming too painful to keep that truth to myself. ⠀ ⠀ I was ready to share my story, and with a beating heart and intense fear, I posted it on Facebook. ⠀ As the menorah’s candles burned, the messages and comments in response came flooding in. I sat and wept as I was overwhelmed with a sense of freedom. A sense of being embraced by my community with love. My frustration turned into understanding, my rage into gratitude. ⠀ ⠀ I learned the transformative power of sharing personal narrative, and in turn, I dedicated my life to that cause. ⠀ ⠀ Three years ago, on the very same night of Chanukah, we launched The Layers Project Magazine. There was an intense need to create a space for Jewish women to share their experiences and connect with each other in healing. For many of us reading along, the women who have stood up and shared their stories have been bright flames in the darkness- a ray of light that illuminated pain that we had never understood or really spoke about.⠀ It was a guide out of our own sense of loneliness. ⠀ ⠀ Five years out of that initial dark moment, my life is changed. I am on a road of healing and I have actualized my dream of aliyah. I am deep in this incredible work with you all and we have a book coming out this year- reflecting so much of the experiences we have shared together. ⠀ ⠀ Fire needs oxygen to keep going, and healing is best done in the open air. There is still so much work to be done. So many more candles that need to be lit. So many stories left to tell.⠀ ⠀ For now, I am grateful for the continued honor of telling your stories and humbled to be a member of this amazing community. May we continue to bring light to each other.⠀ ⠀ <3,⠀ Shira⠀ ⠀ #Thelayersproject #thelayersprojectmagazine #jewishwomen #Hanukkah #Channukah #5years #fire #lights #candles #community #gratitude
⠀ “In 2014 everything changed.⠀ ⠀ My husba ⠀ “In 2014 everything changed.⠀ ⠀ My husband Jeremy, who trained as a plumbing and heating engineer, suffered a heart attack that went undiagnosed. This led to his suffering, additionally, two strokes. ⠀ ⠀ Suddenly, he was unable to do the very physical work he had been doing, and with me taking care of him and the rest of the family, we found ourselves with no income.⠀ ⠀ Following heart procedures and many, many visits to cardiologists and neurologists, his strength slowly returned. We sat and discussed how we would move forward. We had often dreamed of focusing more on the Judaica pieces I had been creating for many years, which Jeremy had always had an active part in producing with me – and realized that this was our opportunity to do just that.⠀ ⠀ • • • • • • • • • • • ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ As an engineer and designer (the perfect combination for creativity), we had both learned many skills over the years, and it seemed that it was the right time for us to share them with others. ⠀ ⠀ We set up our Judaica Gallery and created a space where we could invite families to create their own pieces of Judaica under our guidance. The Workshop Gush Etzion was born. We split our time working on our own pieces and teaching our excited participants how thrilling and satisfying it is to create something with one’s own hands. As people told their friends about their experiences with us, interest grew and so did the business...⠀ ⠀ Until Corona.⠀ ⠀ Corona brought an end to the flow of tourists who swarmed to us during the Chagim, and we were forced to turn away the locals from visiting because of Jeremy’s high risk of contracting the virus due to his health issues. ⠀ ⠀ Hashem had brought the world to its knees, but at the same time, had given us another opportunity – to focus on our art uninterrupted. A scary change while needing an ongoing income in order to survive, but an exciting chance to spend some time doing what we have grown to love....”⠀ ⠀ • • • • • • • • • • ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ "The Gifts of Hands and Hope" written by Mandy Broder for our fourth essay in our artist's series. Check out her full essay and work in the linktree and find out where you can purchase her stunning and unique judaica.
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